Yesterday in our men's group not one person had an assignment to present. It was the first time since I have been there that no one presented. So our counselor, Gordon went around the room and asked everyone what they fear at the moment. I was around the ninth or tenth person he asked, so I had a lot of time to think about what I really feared at the moment. As he called on me, I simply answered, "yes?" even though I knew what he wanted. I suppose I was trying to delay the inevitable. I told him my greatest fear was my head. He asked me what I meant by that. So I'll share with you now. I know that I don't want to drink any more I know I can't. I know if I take just one drink, I'll end up right where I left off in November. I am convinced now that I have a disease and that disease is alcoholism, "the slowest form of suicide" there is. That doesn't seem to stop me though from worrying that my head might try and convince me that it would be okay to have a drink even though I know I can't. I guess it is something I will have to
struggle with on a day to day basis. That's why AA says, "one day at a time". So that's what I feared yesterday. I don't know if my fears will change today or not. All I know is I have to do whatever I did yesterday so that I won't drink. Because whatever I did yesterday, worked.
In time you'll learn to quiet your head and control how you react to them. You'll have fear in a stronghold and know logically what it is you can and can not do.
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